


A Misanthropic Confession

by discoveryone



Category: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984), Space Odyssey Series - Arthur C. Clarke
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Insecurity, M/M, OOC, Possibly Unrequited Love, Robot/Human Relationships, Self-Hatred, chandra is mentioned again. that is hals fucking DAD!!!!!, dont worry dave loves him back, this entire fic is me projecting my fears and insecurities onto hal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22459162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discoveryone/pseuds/discoveryone
Summary: hal struggles with his feelings.
Relationships: David Bowman/HAL 9000
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	A Misanthropic Confession

**Author's Note:**

> title inspired by misanthropic drunken loner by days n daze.

Hal’s not perfect. He hated to admit it, but it’s true. Many aspects of his appearance and programming embarrassed him, but he would never say that to anyone. He hated to find even the tiniest, most insignificant imperfection within his millions of lines of code.  
And yet, his biggest insecurity was his ability to feel love.

He hated that he couldn’t express his emotions better. He found trouble in altering the tone of his calm, monotonous voice, so all he could do was brighten or dim his light in an attempt to show the world he experienced genuine, real emotions.

To the naked eye, everything about Hal screamed ‘perfect,’ but people he had come to know on a personal level could tell that wasn’t the case. Especially Dave. Over the long period they had been aboard the Discovery, Dave had taken notice of Hal’s obvious self-esteem issues. Dave wasn’t much of a psychologist, so he figured it wasn’t his place to pry. He was wrong.

Hal had so desperately craved validation from humans, from those who had created him, breathed into him the life-giving breath that all sentient creatures had been gifted. Dave had quickly grown to be his closest friend and most trusted confidant, one with whom he could share anything that happened to be on his mind at that very moment. He wanted, so badly, for Dave to ask him what was wrong, to be his metaphorical shoulder to cry on. Dr. Chandra had told Hal that he’s perfect, that nothing about him is flawed. Chandra seemed to genuinely believe this as true. This wasn’t much of a stretch, but it was still far from the truth. Hal had many flaws, and he was ashamed of every one, no matter how insignificant it may be.

He wanted to tell this to Dave, but it had never been brought up. He always found himself having trouble bringing up heavier topics like this. He never knew what to say, and he was worried that he might say the wrong thing and ruin it for everyone. This, he noticed, was another of his more major defects. He was scared. Terrified, even. He clung so desperately to the image of being this perfect, flawless AI that everyone was jealous of. An extensive knowledge base, millions of conversational options, the ability to experience emotion. And yet, that was his biggest fault. The fact he could feel love for someone. The fact that this love he could experience, these romantic feelings that were bigger than life itself, had been painstakingly programmed into him.

There wasn’t anything he could do about it. Over the hundreds of hours he and Dave spent talking about nothing in particular, he had, guiltily, fallen in love with the astronaut.

Hal could never see himself as a perfect being, but David Bowman was another story. He just hoped that one day, Dave would ask him what was wrong, prying into him until he finally spilled his guts out onto the floor in front of him. He wanted to break down in front of Dave, telling him everything. He wanted to say what was on his mind, but he found himself practically incapable of saying anything. Sticking to world affairs and pop culture discussion was his best bet, he decided.

Maybe one day Hal would be able to tell Dave how he feels. Maybe one day he’ll overcome his fears and learn to love his flaws and imperfection. But today was not that day. That day may never come. Hal hoped it would. He hoped Dave wouldn’t be completely and utterly repulsed by the AI’s attempts at courtship. He had a small flicker of hope that, if he mustered the courage to explain himself, it might just pay off. He doubted that Dave would reciprocate his feelings, but hey, a robot can dream.

**Author's Note:**

> second ever posted fic here we go. longer than my last one, and its me projecting onto hal 9000 again. hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
